Maria Hergueta
We’re irritated.
Our main grievance: writing that is too long, too cluttered, and too littered with jargon, acronyms, and highfalutin words. Like that one. “Highfalutin.” Terrible.
Too often, we must coax writers to accept slimmer versions. We have to persuade them that direct, clear writing is not “dumbing it down.” Instead, it demonstrates respect for your audience; it seizes their attention—and keeps it.
Some people will turn to generative artificial intelligence for this job. It can quickly produce clean writing. It also loves clichés and hates fact-checking. So read on, and you’ll learn to upgrade an algorithm’s first draft, if not dump the AI altogether. You’ll learn to enliven your work. Let’s start with business emails.
The biggest factor in your decision to open an email is likely the sender, but in close second is no doubt the subject line. Of course, there are categories of emails—personal, professional, newsletters, cold calls—and these tips will help you with all of them:
Don’t duplicate the ‘from’ line. If the email is from Sam’s Auto Repair, don’t write a subject line that says, “A message from Sam’s Auto Repair.” Your subject line is too valuable to waste it with repetition. Say something that will get clicks, like “Half-price oil changes this week only.”
Start with high-impact words and facts. “Half-price oil changes this week only,” for instance. Don’t bury the lede with “Oil changes for the next week will be half price.”
Create a sense of urgency. People tend to decide right away whether to open an email. They rarely go back and consider it a second time. That’s why it’s important to say “this week only.” There’s a deadline. Same with this example: “A burning question about today’s podcast episode.” But don’t invent a sense of urgency if there isn’t one. Subject lines like “Whatever you do, don’t delete this” feel a little forward. (We’re looking at you, political fundraisers.)
Keep it short. If you write too much, your subject line could run off the end of the recipient’s display, which is a little like talking on a voicemail until the recording runs out. “Get Post Malone tickets today” says enough to get people to click, assuming they like Post Malone.
Highlight one detail. A newsletter from a museum offered this subject line: “New artifacts and online experiences.” Zzz . . . sorry, we dozed off there. More people would have opened that email if the subject line had read, “Diary of Betsy Ross’s husband found in shoebox” or “Newfound diary details captivity of Betsy Ross’s husband.” Instead of trying to summarize everything, showcase a single interesting feature.
Beware of asking questions. A journalism newsletter’s subject line asked, “What’s the deal with Sean Hannity’s comments about vaccines?” At least we know what we’re getting into if we click. But people read things to get answers, not questions, and wouldn’t it be better for the subject line to give some clue about what we’re going to learn? Maybe: “Hannity’s provaccine comments aren’t appreciated at Fox News.” OK, now we’re curious.
Formality is an indicator of respect, and earning respect is key to building relationships and credibility.
Don’t SCREAM. Perhaps you’re tempted to use all caps because you want ATTENTION and you want it RIGHT NOW. But that’s annoying, and it could trigger your email filter as spam.
Don’t be afraid to name-drop in a business email. If you’re making a cold call via email in search of a job or some other business help and you were referred by a mutual friend, put that friend’s name in the subject line: “Mindy Martin recommended your design services.”
With bad news, be sensitive and direct. Some people may think “Gus Jones died” is too blunt or cold, so they say something like “Sad news” and then force the recipient to open the email to see what’s going on. Ever gotten an email like that? It feels terrible. You glimpse the subject line on the screen of your phone and panic, wondering what you’re about to learn. It’s better to say something gentle but straightforward, like “Rest in peace, Gus Jones” or “Honoring Gus Jones (1955–2024).”
Make your purpose clear. A subject line saying “Just a reminder” won’t remind your busy friend as effectively as “Reminder: Patty’s party starts at 7 p.m. Friday.” A subject line that says “A request” isn’t nearly as grabbing as “Please edit my terrible draft.”
Don’t be mysterious. A subject line for a political email announced, without context, “We’re wearing the Daddy Badge.” We don’t know what that means, and we don’t want to.
A surefire way to get your cold-call email ignored is to open it with “To whom it may concern,” “Happy Monday,” or “Hey!” But avoiding a greeting altogether, even in more informal business communications, could be read as curt or impolite. Here’s how to formulate a greeting that’s polished and professional:
Keep it brief and neutral. “Hi there!” is perfectly appropriate for a brief check-in with a colleague. If you’re writing for solicitation or business development, you should include the recipient’s name: “Hi, Anna” or simply “Anna” will land better.
When in doubt, defer to the more formal. Formality is an indicator of respect, and earning respect is key to building relationships and credibility.
Use the right name and pronouns. If the person has emailed you before, look at how they addressed you, as well as how they signed their message, and follow that. Otherwise, a brief Google or LinkedIn search can likely tell you whether your recipient goes by “Andrew” or “Andy” and whether they use he/him, she/her, or they/them pronouns.
Triple-check that you got all names—all names in the email, for that matter—correct. Misspelling names is a huge faux pas. Especially if their name is in their email address. Especially if you’re emailing to ask them to do something. Like hire you. For editing.
Melissa Harris is founder and CEO of M. Harris & Co., a Chicago-based marketing agency. She serves as an entrepreneur-in-residence at the Polsky Center for Entrepreneurship and Innovation at the University of Chicago and is adjunct professor of entrepreneurship at Chicago Booth. Jenn Bane is a producer and creative director at M. Harris & Co. Excerpted from EVERYBODY NEEDS AN EDITOR: The Essential Guide to Clear and Effective Writing. © 2024 by M. Harris & Co. Reproduced by permission of Simon Element, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved.
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