A brave friend recently shared that she was feeling tired—really tired. Not ‘I-didn’t-get-enough-sleep’ tired, but something much deeper. She said, “It’s as if I’ve lost my motivation.” I call her brave because she’s clearly dedicated to her job and conducts herself with professionalism and kindness. She’s a wonderful parent who cares for her family. And she’s very responsible when it comes to managing her finances and health.
She’s not alone in feeling deeply unmotivated. Millennials and Gen Z employees tell me they feel disconnected and uninspired at work. They often admit that they just don’t care.
Half of American employees are looking for a new job. Older employees, meanwhile, tell me they can’t wait to retire.
When I ask about life at home, people say they struggle with their health and finances. The national data suggest that chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes are on the rise. The median American household has only a bit over $5,000 in savings, barely enough to pay the next couple of months’ rent.
So has America lost its motivation? The answer is no. You can’t lose your motivation because you didn’t own it in the first place. Motivation—and this shouldn’t surprise you—isn’t your car key or wallet.
So what is it? Some people associate motivation with strength. But motivation isn’t about being strong; it’s about being wise.
You may think of motivation as a muscle and assume some people have strong motivation muscles, while others’ are weak. But this isn’t a great metaphor. Motivation is knowledge: You learn how to motivate yourself.
I want to help you become wiser so you’re more motivated, and hence can achieve your goals, your dreams, your ambitions. Given the current state of the world (and what it has been throwing at you), your knowledge is more critical than ever.
To motivate yourself, you should either change your circumstances or change the way you think about these circumstances. That’s the science in one sentence. You change your circumstances, or you change the way you think about them.
When I wanted to be more physically active, I didn’t yell at myself, “Ayelet, you should walk more!” That doesn’t work. Instead, I got a puppy, and she loves long walks.
Your journey to increasing your motivation starts with setting a goal.
My friend wanted to feel motivated at work, so she identified a specific project she wanted to complete. Good start. The goal that you set pulls you. It’s a great motivational strategy.
The problem? She set out to finish a project she wished she had already completed, not something she is looking forward to doing. Most goals are abandoned because we’re not excited about doing the work. We want to be the person who has done it, not the one currently doing it.
Your intuition might tell you to focus on one goal at a time—finish one, and then start the other—but that’s unrealistic.
When we’re excited about doing the work, we are intrinsically motivated. We value the journey almost as much as we care about the destination.
In our research, my coauthors and I have found that people aren’t more likely to follow through on important (compared with unimportant) goals. Rather, people are much more likely to follow through on goals that they enjoy pursuing. Your excitement about the journey matters more than how much you value the destination.
What makes goals exciting? Exciting goals are never a chore or a means. Have you ever asked yourself why Chicago diners would spend 30 minutes looking for free parking but wouldn’t think twice before spending the money they’ve saved ordering another cocktail? Why spend money on a drink but not on parking? We don’t like paying for parking or shipping, and we don’t like studying for prerequisite classes because these are means. Goals can be exciting. Means are a chore.
We did an experiment that showed us just how much people dislike investing in means. In our study, we auctioned a book for some people and a University of Chicago tote bag for others. The average person stated they would pay $23 for the book but only $12 for the tote bag.
The catch was that the tote bag that people were bidding on contained the book, and they knew it. Although those bidding on the tote bag also expected to get the book, they were nonetheless willing to pay less. The reason? We like to invest in goals, not means.
Let’s say you wisely set an intrinsically motivated goal: You value the journey just as much as you care for the destination. A couple of weeks have passed, and you’re starting to lose your motivation. Then four or six more months go by, and you haven’t been doing much lately. How do you sustain your motivation?
Motivation is high at the beginning and the end of pursuing a goal but declines in the middle. We call it the middle problem. My friend might start her project enthusiastically, but then her motivation will decline. Toward the deadline, she’ll regain it.
A few years back, we asked people who observed Hanukkah to let us know whether they lit the candles on the first night, the second night, the third night, and all the way to the eighth and last night. Guess what? Most admitted to only lighting the candles on the first and last night. They procrastinated in the middle.
A wise solution is to make short middles. Set a monthly exercise goal or even a weekly or daily exercise goal. As the goal gets shorter, you can better stick to it. If only Hanukkah lasted only two days!
We should also expect setbacks in the middle of pursuing a goal. And when encountering these setbacks, it’s natural to get discouraged. One solution is to keep your ego out of the picture.
After helping my 10-year-old son win a video game, he awarded me the title of “failure expert.” I love this title. How did I win it? I’m a failure expert because I don’t mind getting killed by virtual monsters. And he doesn’t mind seeing me getting beaten by these monsters. When our ego isn’t involved, we can learn better. At your work, when you’re not killing it, remove your ego; you’ll likely be better off.
Another wise solution is to seek discomfort—if only temporarily—instead of trying to avoid it. When you actively seek discomfort, you see it as a sign of personal growth rather than something to avoid. No pain, no gain isn’t just about the gym. It’s a wise approach to maintaining motivation.
There’s evidence for this in a study we ran in collaboration with Chicago’s beloved improvisation club the Second City. We worked with the Second City’s training center, where regular people like you and me go to learn improv. We were specifically interested in one exercise: “Give Focus.” In this exercise, one person gets the focus. This person moves around the room while everyone else is frozen in place. This person gets all the attention while everyone else is watching.
In the study, we told some people that their goal for the exercise was “to feel awkward and uncomfortable.” We told others—those in the control group—that their goal was to develop new skills.
Who was more daring, taking the stage for longer? It was those who were asked to feel uncomfortable. In one wave of classes, the average time for taking focus doubled when people sought discomfort. Those who were asked to feel uncomfortable also took more risks—for example, dancing instead of just walking around. And they felt they were growing more than those in the control group.
For my friend, one challenge is juggling work and family. Now, if you’ve never experienced a work-family conflict, you either don’t have a job or you’ve forgotten that you also have a family.
But it is wise to think of these goals as balancing rather than conflicting. When my friend realized that doing well at work makes her a better family member, she felt more motivated (and happier) to do both.
Your intuition might tell you to focus on one goal at a time—finish one, and then start the other—but that’s unrealistic. You can’t postpone starting a family until retirement. Instead of sequencing your goals, it is wiser to pursue harmony and balance.
Job seekers should remember that intrinsic motivation will matter as much to them tomorrow as it does today.
Ayelet Fishbach Says a Raise Might Not Motivate YouThink of your multiple goals as dishes on a buffet table. You can create the perfect combination that fits your taste exactly. It’s a colorful, well-balanced, and delicious meal. Maybe you exercise on your way to work and while listening to an audiobook.
But other combinations don’t work that well. They feel like a buffet plate where your waffles get covered with pasta sauce. If you contemplate studying for your bar exam while watching TV and talking to your friend, well, it is a destructive combination.
Some goals—let’s call them temptations—should take less room on your plate. Yet, instead of pushing them out of your mind, it is wise to anticipate them in advance. When you consider all the alcohol that will be served at a party, you consume less of it. When I anticipate that my colleague might be upset about something, I can better ensure that I don’t lose my temper.
In a study, when we reminded people of all the times they’ll be tempted to take home office supplies for personal use, they said they would be less likely to do so. When we consider future temptations, we’re less tempted once we get there.
Your friends, your family, and others you love matter a lot for your motivation. They are your lighthouse, and they’re here to help you. And you also matter for their motivation.
Let me tell you a love story that resulted in four Nobel Prizes. When Marie Sklodowska met Pierre Curie, she didn’t only meet the love of her life. She met the person who pushed her to excel in her work on the theory of radioactivity and who later insisted that she be named on a joint Nobel Prize. (That was her first Nobel Prize. The second she won with no man by her side.)
The couple also held goals for their two daughters. They wanted these girls to excel. The result? Their oldest, Irène, went on to win her own Nobel Prize with her husband (as was the tradition in their family). Their youngest and by far the most artistic family member, Ève, married a Nobel laureate and excelled in her own ways.
The Curie family didn’t teach us about only radioactivity. They taught us about the role of supporting and feeling supported in achieving personal goals. In your life, you’re not alone. You work with other people—maybe together you take care of your pet—and you work in the presence of others—maybe these are the people at your gym class or your book club. You hold goals for others and feel accountable for the goals they hold for you. All these social interactions are critical for success.
This might be a good time to say thank you to the person sitting next to you.
My friend came to me not only because I’m a motivation scientist but mostly because I’m her friend, and as such, I want her to be successful.
My friend stayed at work, and the last time I saw her, her smile seemed bigger. She didn’t “find” her motivation; she learned how to motivate herself.
And so, no, you haven’t lost your motivation either. Each of you is working to accomplish your dreams, balancing so many parts of your life. And that is important, especially in the world we live in now. If you are feeling a little unmotivated, just remember: Motivation is not about being strong; it’s about being wise. And now you are, hopefully, a little wiser.
Ayelet Fishbach is the Eric J. Gleacher Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science and Marketing at Chicago Booth. This essay is an edited version of a talk she originally delivered for TEDxChicago.
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